[PassedOut]

"One man's Mede is another man's Persian."

[ggwhiz]

Baseball is a great source and it's the best part of the game.

Bob Uecker

"When I came up to bat with 2 outs in the 9th I looked in the other dugout and they were already in street clothes."

Jerry Reuss on getting married for the 3rd time.

"If this doesn't work I'm going out every 6 months to find a woman I don't like and buy her a house."

[y66]

Bette Davis to Dick Cavett when he inquired about her virginity: “The wait damn near killed me!”

[y66]

"They told me that you had gone totally insane, and that your methods were unsound."

"Are my methods unsound?"

"I don’t see any method at all, sir."

-- Captain Willard and Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now

[Chas_P]

“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”

― W.C. Fields

[mike777]

I wanted to upvote chase but he wont let me

[mycroft]

Ah, Bob Uecker:

"The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and pick it up."

[y66]

“There’s two kinds of coaches. Them that’s fired and them that’s gonna be fired.”

“He can take his’n and beat your’n or he can take your’n and beat his’n.” [referring to Bear Bryant or Don Shula or both]

“My name’s pronounced ‘Awl,’ but no one could pronounce it right. Even in school, I answered to the name Bum. Oail was my daddy’s first name, too. But he went by the nickname Flip.”

Oail Andrew Phillips aka Bum Phillips, 1923-2013

[Scarabin]

I am trying to trace a quotation about King Charles the second. It was to the effect that he was a very tolerant, forgiving King but that this did not reflect to his credit since he had such a low opinion of men no one could disappoint him.

I think I read it in Antonia Fraser's biography but it may have been in a biography of Marlborough. Remember C caught M bedding C's mistress.

Anyhow I cannot find it. Can anyone help, please?

[y66]

"Trust your stuff, and follow me, one pitch at a time." Yadier Molina, catcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, to 22-year old flamethrower, Carlos Martinez.

[y66]

"If I was in the Senate, I'd kill myself" -- Chris Christie, popular Republican Governor of New Jersey who enjoys bipartisan support, after visiting Washington during the government shutdown.

Edited per comments from ArtK78.

[GreenMan]

 y66, on 2013-October-29, 06:46, said:

"If I was in the Senate, I'd kill myself" -- Chris Christie, popular bipartisan Republican Governor of New Jersey, after visiting Washington during the government shutdown.

"If we had more guys like you, we'd have less guys like you." --Hawkeye Pierce, some episode of M*A*S*H

[ArtK78]

 y66, on 2013-October-29, 06:46, said:

"If I was in the Senate, I'd kill myself" -- Chris Christie, popular bipartisan Republican Governor of New Jersey, after visiting Washington during the government shutdown.

It is a little over-the-top to call Chris Christie "bipartisan" (although many have - see the story linked below). A better description of Chris Christie is "New Jerseyan." He is for New Jersey first, politics be damned. But make no mistake about it, he is a full-fledged Republican. And that is something that is driving me crazy. Because, as a fellow New Jerseyan, I really like the guy. I just don't like his politics or most of his policies.

The New Jersey Gubernatorial election is coming up on November 5. His challenger, Barbara Buono, has little or no chance of winning. I am having a hard time deciding whether to vote for a man who unquestionably is an able governor who puts the interests of the State above all else, or for a woman whose politics and policy agenda much more closely match my own.

See, for example, the following story about Chris Christie:

http://www.foxnews.c...-sandy-efforts/

[jjbrr]

 Mbodell, on 2013-October-03, 18:35, said:

Are those really who said that? I associate the first with Omar and the second with Marlo.

 GreenMan, on 2013-October-11, 09:10, said:

Heh. Many (most?) familiar quotations get attributed to people who didn't originate them (or say them at all). Or to quote Yogi Berra, "I didn't say half the things I said."

"Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit"

-Einstein

[GreenMan]

 Chas_P, on 2013-October-13, 15:20, said:

“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”

― W.C. Fields

Bring me loose whiskey and strong women! --Warren Ellis

[Cyberyeti]

 Chas_P, on 2013-October-13, 15:20, said:

“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”

― W.C. Fields

George Best said something very similar along with:

"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life."

and on receiving a blood transfusion in association with his liver transplant

"I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20 minutes."

But I think the best quote was allegedly delivered to him by a hotel bellboy delivering champagne who found him in bed with Miss World with casino winnings all over the bed:

"So George, where did it all go wrong?"

[jandrew]

Who was it who said -

"Perfection is second best."

[FM75]

Hi Bill. How is the gay rights movement going?

Said to a straight co-worker entering the elevator on the first floor of the Empire State Building.

[onoway]

maybe in the wrong thread and it will only manage to annoy everyone but it made me laugh when I ran across it today Oscar Wilde:
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

[kenberg]

I'll see if this survives the censors.
A friend told me that his sister read Portnoy's Complain and remarked "That's one penis I don't envy".